July 31, 2004
Through the Eyes of Another
warning: likely a narisistic post...
I was just told by a relative that he thought perhaps my aims are to be good enough at whatever I do to where I can be arrogent about it. For him to think that I would guess many other people may think that.
Its really off the mark in my own eyes, though it might be a common thought through the eyes of others.
Usually I feel horrible most days for various reasons I do or do not know. I feel like I need to do a bunch to just feel ok. If you ever see me doing lots of stuff or being super active it is because it occupies my time and perhaps lifts the negative thoughts from my mind.
And yet at the same time I ignore the things that make me feel really good so that I feel artificial and hollow so that I need to work even harder at the things that bring me artificial happiness.
When I see someone else do something I usually see the whole as something great perhaps even majestical. When I do something I see everything as its base pieces. Ex: eventually this sentence on this post on this blog will be erased and I doubt it will have even mattered. Frequently I work my self into a thought process that makes me feel the same thing about myself.
All through growing up I have been somewhat secluded from things not me. Partially due to social factors and partially due to desire to not be part of anything. In a sense I guess some would say this makes me narcisistic, but really I am not much into me either.
Of course this part will sound arrogent but I really have not found anything in life challenging or exciting for very long.
I am just glad I have done what positive things I have and got out of the US Navy alive.
July 30, 2004
When People are Stupid
I spend probably 2 - 3 hours (probably more like 5-6) every day helping people absolutely free. I work for probably less than 10% of what I could be making because I work really hard to try to improve humanity and help other people.
I also wrote an ebook which is primarily aimed at helping people. I sell it for $40 when books not half as good as mine go for $97.
I want to keep the price low so most people can afford it, but by keeping it low it also means I have more sales and more customer service to deal with. I normally like to help people but occassionally you come across a really stupid customer that kinda deflates you.
first you are really discouraged at yourself as if you did something wrong, but then at the end of the day you are really discouraged at evolution. how can people read about my ebook and then send me feedback like the following???
My visa was charged 39.99 for what is pictured in the screenshot below. I received what is contained in this attachment. If I do not receive a full refund within the next 48hrs I will forward this to the FTC, The Justice department, The FBI and to my bank to begin chargeback proceedings for the fraud you are committing.
is it fairly safe to say that the person who sent me that email is going to be a failure on the web, and desevibly so for being irrational and judgmental, and not researching, etc.
I mean in my sales copy I even state that my ebook is an ebook and how that adds value.
since they wanted a physical book (vice an ebook) I recommended they try search engine optimization for dummies. its an ok book and I might have even recommended that to them normally.
combine ignorant assholes like the one listed above with the people who buy your ebook off you (after they bought it at half price through their own affiliate link) and then send you multiple 3 page scrolling emails they wany you to answer and I can see why it may be worth it for me to just stop what I am doing and make my own content site that sells a ton of ad space.
I can't make other people not be greedy, selfish, ignorant, judgmental, or dirtbags, it is just sad that for as little as I actually physically see people mentally I still see so many people who are.
on a side note that makes me happy: I saw the dumb person who left me that feedback had spyware on their computer (I know this because they sent me a snapshot of their browser when they sent me that crap email).
July 24, 2004
Both Sides have mouths hung open???
Shut Up already...
July 23, 2004
2004 USS Dallas Med Run - (SSN 700) Med Run 2004
So how is the crew of the USS Dallas doing?
Pretty shitty from what I have been told. After 4.5 months into the run they pulled into 2 ports. My buddy Luke just left the navy. The boat dropped him off in Bahrain and he stayed at the only hotel in town that let Americans stay there because all of the other hotels were afraid to get bombed for letting Americans stay there.
The cheifs onboard were complaining because they could not get a hotel out on town while my friend was worried about getting beheaded. Kinda shows you just how bad that med run must be if people would rather risk being beheaded than be onboard.
My friend flew out of Bahrain and was not beheaded. I talked to him on the phone today and he is doing well.
I also talked to a couple other friends so far while they were in that last deployment pit stop. They said that they were on rations ever since a few weeks into the run. In addition they said that they brought the seals onboard and did not do any excercises with them. They just hotracked and were on rations for 2.5 months.
good stuff. I wish I were there...
July 22, 2004
Cats at Christmas: Cat Pictures
Rocky tried climbing our artificial christmas tree as well, but I wasn't able to catch it on the camera :(
Sam is way too fat to ever try such a feat ;)
Erica & the Navy
This post could scroll six to thirty pages, but I will try not to let that happen.
I was in the navy and got my other than honorable discharge right around thanksgiving the year before last.
When I was in the navy I met a girl that I had a super duper crush on. she was fun, entertaining, smart, cute, etc. generally awesome and for the longest time (and perhaps for a long time going forward) she will likely be the girl I usually compare all other girls to. If for no other reason than the fact that she was the first girl I really really had a crush on. Her name is Erica.
Today I just got a forwarded letter that was sent to my old address. It was sent from a girl in navy named Erica. This girl is the same girl who sent me a similar letter about a year ago. This is not the same Erica I spoke of above. The current letter reads as follows...
July 14, 2004
5209 OLD POST RD
CHARLESTOWN RI 02813
Your technical skill, learned in the military, is currently in short supply. We are in need of former military personnel in your job field to fill jobs immediately in the Naval Reserve.
We have a saying in the Naval Reserve, "Make your experience count." This is a prime time for you to do just that. You have a skill that we need and here's an opportunity to put it to good use.
Why not give me a call at +1 (401) 941-2550, or drop by the office anytime! Call collect if needed.
NC1 Erica L. Zecher
Naval Reserve Recruiter
+1 (401) 94102550
The Naval reserve uses commercial mailing lists in its recruiting efforts. Such lists may contain errors which cannot be identified before we mail. If you should not have received this letter please accept our apologies. Perhaps you could pass this information on to someone who might be interested in Navy Reserve opportunities.
There are a bunch of funny things about this letter we shall analyze. First of all we will grab the low hanging fruit.
- The letter said "do not forward" and they did.
- I was kicked out for drugs and am fairly certain they would not want me in their system. I obviously would not want to be in their system.
- To the best of my knowledge there is no reservist nuclear navy. Obviously there is no need for persons of my skill set.
"Your technical skill, learned in the military, is currently in short supply."
Indeed it should be. That lifestyle was complete fucking hell. The only place where I have ever found myself in my lifespan where I was crying myself to sleep for weeks to months at a time. In addition you can tell what great lengths they go to to make this letter spam. Notice they never state what my rate or skill was, just that I learned it in the military.
"We are in need of former military personnel in your job field to fill jobs immediately in the Naval Reserve."
Since my job does not exist in the reserves this is a lie, but beyond that they would have a much better retention rate if they did not treat their people like shit.
"We have a saying in the Naval Reserve, "Make your experience count.""
And I did. That is why I created New Navy.US.
"This is a prime time for you to do just that."
And that is why I am typing this blog post.
"You have a skill that we need and here's an opportunity to put it to good use."
I agree, more people should speak honestly and openly about the navy.
"Why not give me a call at +1 (401) 941-2550, or drop by the office anytime!"
Your organization has been the single worst part of my memory. I should be dead now because it almost ate my will to live.
"Call collect if needed."
I just may do that.
"The Naval reserve uses commercial mailing lists in its recruiting efforts. Such lists may contain errors which cannot be identified before we mail. If you should not have received this letter please accept our apologies. Perhaps you could pass this information on to someone who might be interested in Navy Reserve opportunities."
I did my best to pass your message on.
Now here is the psychotic part of this post. The original Erica was the person I looked forward to seeing most for like close to a year of my naval "career." I liked her a ton but I still had a few years left in the navy and just prior to meeting me she got screwed over by some other guy in the navy.
I also do not know what I did with my manorisms and actions but she thought of me as a real gentleman. Reflecting back on how much I liked her and the fact that we never ...awe nevermind...it just goes to show how crazy I am.
I am super non agressive and she did not want me hurting her by going away and so we both were somewhat intentionally defensively non attached to one another.
After I went away on a med run she met some other guy who later got her pregnant and then he joined the navy and moved to the other side of the country and screwed her over.
There is obviously some real irony there.
Now here is where the super psychotic part of this post comes into play. Earlier today this same Erica called me for the first time since I moved. We talked for a little while and she told me she is going to join the navy reserves (which obviously is a big thumbs down to me). What is even weirder is that her recruiter is the same Erica that sent me that letter I just got.
Now the Erica that I like was in NYC on September 11th and had taken amazing photographs of what happened that day. Based on the sounds I later heard and the vividness of some of her pictures I am sure being there would have cut some scars in my mind.
I told Erica though that I could not support our current wars in any way and that in all reality our current wars had nothing to do with that tragic event she saw. She said "I know." And I also said that there is no such thing as a passive supporter and by joining she was becomming an active supporter of the current wars.
I also asked if she saw Farenheight 911 and she said no and that she hated Moore. I asked her why and at first she said "I don't know" and later said that she did not like the roles he plays in movies.
He really doesn't play roles other than guy on the street smart ass investigator of alternative media heavily biased against big corporate bullshit and false blank ideals which are currently destroying our country.
The "character" Moore plays in his movie roles is extremely similar to the "character" I play in real life. I am not certain why she could dislike him so much and like me so much, but maybe there is a logical reason we parted ways?
Maybe she will be a better fit in the navy than I. and to her I wish luck...
I think I may want some french fries from McDonalds...
A Guinea Pig for any topic
The web is new and fragmented enough that my knowledge can make my opinion of just about any subject in the world be found by many eyes. That may sound arrogent, but that is not the goal of the statement. In my statement simply I am saying that search engines are not extremely sophisticated and my job is to manipulate their search results.
The words I write to express my opinions can be completely out to lunch. I can be completely full of shit (just like big media companies often are) and get my perspective broadly distributed. Really there is not much value in that other than the feedback you can get from other people.
That is where the real value in the web is. Free realtime feedback on anything you are interested in.
I am not sure that what I am currently doing is what I am interested in, but it sure is better than the navy...
What sparked this thread? today I traded my a copy of my ebook for dietary suppliments from people who are creating candy to improve neurochemistry.
it costs me nothing to give away my ebook and makes for a great bargaining chip.
everybody who likes to read and write should write at least one book or ebook
Slight Random Insanity
I was just listening to where is my mind by the Pixies
painting one pixel at a time
changing the world i do not see
changing a broken society
changing my mind about time
i swim in sanity to destroy and refind my dreams
this logic i think is not something in the sea
in an endless stream of a dream of misery
not in this world or for some girl
i am crazy because I want to be
July 21, 2004
Problems w feeling too good
Yesterday I felt amazing. I wrote a press release for my stuff and one of the three biggest internet media companies in the world called me up to do a potential partnership.
that is pretty fucking amazing for that only being the third press release I have ever wrote for anyone ever and me only having 1.5 years of any type of web design, marketing, or business experience (guess i have a bit more business experience if you count baseball cards selling in high school).
right now i am sitting here and my eyes are still wet because I almost seem like I can't feel good. its unnatural. I know part of the reason I feel horrible right now, but I have not done recently that would cause me to feel horrible and yet I do.
I think part of the reason I keep myself somewhat down frequently is that it is less of a fall when I fall. over time though that kinda makes ya really numb feeling. and then you feel happy knowing that eventually the floor falls out.
and for what.
i guess in the long run it is good because it takes away the numbness, but i would feel better if there was a comprehendable reason behind it...then again maybe that is the comprehendable reason. to let me know I am not a robot.
it sure is easy to feel like one. but i have the ability to make other people lots of money so thats good right...
at an extremely young age I lost all faith in humanity and kinda just expect that I will never get it back. but I am doing great...
July 19, 2004
Because You (& the Economy) Still have Blood to Give...
So the big drug companies (and I think they are fucking greed driven scumbag vultures) are getting the green light to eat a bit more of the economy.
I recommend you buy your drugs from overseas or Canada. Do not support these greed driven monsters.
Obesitiy is now going to be covered under medicare. Eat a little less, exercise a little more. That is the secret to not being obese. I am sure some people have problems physically (such as a underactive thyroid) but most people who will be taking these drugs likely do not need them.
The fact that no one asked a basic question — "How much will it cost?" — is particularly disconcerting given Medicare's long history of uncontrollable spending. Just last year Congress approved a Medicare prescription drug benefit whose 10-year price has already been revised upward by 35% to $535 billion — $13,000 per senior. source
I really think it is bullshit how there is a pill for our every need. What the fuck is the point of life then? If it is really just a game of seeing who can use the best drugs then why are they illegal? :)
The most startling fact about 2002 is that the combined profits for the ten drug companies in the Fortune 500 ($35.9 billion) were more than the profits for all the other 490 businesses put together ($33.7 billion). source
July 17, 2004
Sloppy in the Surgery Room
War on Terror
winning .... one country at a time
Commedian fired for commenting on low hanging fruit
M is for mistreatment?
no, Martha is not Mendela
says you should watch your "fucking" mouth <--- video
and finally, doing things right
Isometric Pixel Art Tutorial
July 16, 2004
Karma Police Arrest this Man
So one night a good period of time ago I got in trouble for using drugs. I was blacked out drunk and then a kid gave me some illegal drugs. I am not going to say that I never used drugs, just that I never used them until long after I met the USS Dallas.
From what I was later told I told many many many people that I was using drugs that night. I don't remember it, but some friends said that I was even telling a bunch of officers on the boat how I used drugs.
To make a long story short one person out of the whole crew turned me in. Nobody else wanted to because I was generally a good guy and nobody wanted to see me get in trouble. Reflecting upon my actions I have not a single iota -not a morsel- of regret for that happening.
The kid who turned me in was a dumb cook. I say dumb not because he turned me in, but dumb because he was quite literally dumb. He initially was not going to turn me in but his older cook friend pressured him into turning me in. The kid ended up feeling so bad about it that he later cut his wrist and everything.
The asshole who convinced the kid to turn me in was a real fucking dirtbag. Again, he was not a real fucking dirtbag for convincing the kid to turn me in, he just was quite litterally a fucking dirtbag.
This probably seems like an anti navy rant, but it could not be less true. This is one of those days where I am more pro navy than I ever have been.
Why you ask?
Normally I would say I was joking or I must be on drugs to think this way, but today is different.
That older cook (complete fucking scumbag) just got in trouble for using cocaine. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.
That is beautiful karma coming around and fucking that guy.
He is now in restriction. He was going to retire at his 20 year mark and he just wasted 18.5 years of his life in the navy to get no benefit and a big negative mark on his service records. And he is a dumb scumbag. I am extatic.
When you are in the navy as a nuclear technition they sell you this "world of opportunity bullshit" and when you get out it really does not match reality (even for those who get out the "right" way - at least based on what my friends have said).
I can't imagine anyone wanting to hire that guy because his is an old drug using scumbag. Normally my roommate tells me that negative energy is a bad thing, but he told me that this is one of those exceptions when it is ok to chear on and laugh at the failures of another person...and so I am sharing this with the entire world.
BZ is a bullshit line in the navy for bravo zulu (which also means congrats or well done)
incidentally boat steak was usually really well done
The title of this post is part of a Radiohead song. I heard them at Coachella this year. They kick ass...you should buy all of their CDs right now. As of right now the Coachella site is still playing Radiohead on their player. Fake Plastic Trees is #2, There There is #3.
July 14, 2004
When it Becomes a Pattern
In the past I drank until I stopped breathing...multiple times. Often I thought it was because I hated my environment. Perhaps that is all it was. What I hate more than anything else is senseless self destruction. It is weird how many times in the past I let the lure of artificial happiness nearly destroy me. What is even worse is that there was never any real goal in mind.
It may have been caused by a lack of faith in humanity, but it was my own lack of faith in humanity. It may have been caused by bad things happening in my family, but it is because I let things effect me in certain ways.
Even today if I went out and drank when I felt less than perfect I would stand a good chance at getting in some sort of trouble. In the past drinking had a purpose: the escape was fun and if I died - so long as it looked accidental - then that was a bonus too. I no longer have those desires, intentions, or goals.
My biggest problem today is a lack of focus and a lack of empathy and communication with most people. I like the web because it helps fill a portion of the large hollow gap that is my daily lack of social connection.
I generally distrust people and push people away if they get close or start to mean too much, and it is really shitty that I do that.
My point here is not real some in depth self analysis for people to read and call me nuts by. The point is trying to look at the root causes of problems. Acnowledging why things happen as they do.
I still have random unexplainable thoughts - that sometimes even last for days - for the most part though it is still my choice as to how I react to stuff.
When I think about the current "war on terrorism" it makes me sad. It makes me feel rather hopeless. But my feelings are not driven by "terrorists." My thoughts are driven by me.
What fills my mind with sorrowful thoughts is that I know there are powerful forces that are working hard to level the playing field between common man and successful people. Actually that is what makes me happy. What fills my mind with sorrow is the great extent people are going to in an attempt to try to prevent this from happening.
When you scare people they are more willing to do what you want them to. They are more willing to give in and look for external guidance. Make no mistake, the people running this country right now are not good people. Just take a glance at how many people have had to resign. That is not normal. There is something wrong going on here.
They are talking about moving the election in case of a terrorist attack during the election, but terrorists would have no reason to want to influence our election. This is actually what marketers call "point of action marketing." While you are in the booth they want you to think about terrorism and stopping terrorism.
The point of this whole rambling inward reflective (and yet another narcisistic) post is that I do not do well when I let other people or other things control my mind. Life naturally has ups and downs and when we look externally for quick solutions it is far easier to find problems. I do not want to die young because I can't handle that other people are horrible human beings.
Don't let other people control your mind. I am going to start trying my damn best to try to filter out the bullshit and negitive energies which occupy so much of my time.
The Land of the Middle Man
After doing SEO for over a year now I have seen many different things on the web.
Stuff that is super sketchy, stuff that is straight up shady, and stuff that is amazingly smart.
I sometimes struggle with balancing the math because I have a hard time justifying prices and determining what is "fair."
I try not to take on many clients because if I did I would just become another mindless zombie drone.
I am more interested in coming up with ideas and shaping social policy than I am with making large sums of money.
The nice thing about my ebook is that I know it provides great value for its price ($40) and that I would be way better off right now if I would have read something like it when I first got on the web.
Most people making money on the web are in one form or another "just a middle man." Some do it with nothing but their own profits in mind while others actually focus on providing value and helping people.
Many people try to talk themselves up and give themselves great titles, but as long as I am "just another SEO" then all I am in one more man in the land of the middle man.
July 8, 2004
Point of Action Marketing
What is point of action marketing?
Whenever you do anything on the web (or in many places away from the web) people try to influence your ideas or lead you to a beief that helps you along in the process.
Political point of action marketing
This election Bush (and other rich selfish fucking scumbags) want you to be affraid of terrorism on voting day.
What is the point of political point of action marketing?
if you are thinking of the bullshit fake war on terrorism while you are in the voting booth you are more likely to vote for scumbag Bush.
"Ridge Warns of Election Terror Plot" - just like a movie they use the word plot. and the reason is... it is because it is all bullshit. no reason to believe in it.
Bush & Terrorism: Living in Fear - the War on Bullshit
Are you afraid? of what?
Each morning we wake to put on our own reality goggles.
Some people want you to live in fear to help propigate a ruling class and separation of social classes, but I am not buying their bullshit and they can eat my ass.
Thou Shall Not Speak
I have some thoughts I wont type because the word terrorist is becoming synonymous with a person in disagreement with the management or mismanagement of our country.
"Just cause you feel it doesn't mean its there" - Radiohead
The Effect of Years of Lies and Manipulation
I do not do my best work when I am afraid. If I do not know where my next meal will come from I am not worried about how I can improve the world or do greater things. I do not even have time to think of my dreams, let alone chase after them. And thus I sell myself and am sold short, and I die never knowing what life was intended to be.
don't let that happen to you. this is not how it is working for me because the navy taught me a few valueable lessons.
- because people say it is good does not mean its true or honest information
- most people are selfish fucking scumbags
- leaders are often liars, especially government leaders
- often times leaders are more flawed than people under them because they are not held to any honest standards
You can only live in fear so long before you bankrupt dreams...and when they are gone there is nothing left to live for.
honest terrorism threat = 0
why trade your life worrying about things you can not change? if you do then you have nothing to live for anyway.
this president has also halted my belief in evolution. we simply could not have been around this long and be that fucking stupid.
July 7, 2004
Life Would be Good
Stock Jail Market: Getting your fair share
Lay indited. Ha Ha fucker. May your dreams be shattered and may your life be lived from behind bars.
hope that asshole goes to jail.
July 4, 2004
My Brother Has a Blog
he also has HIV, and that is what his blog is about (My HIV Story). I imagine that when people first get the news it is pretty rough, and that is what my brother was just posting about.
My family is kinda all spread over. Weird how we actually all can connect a bit thanks to blogs.