September 29, 2005

Bill Miller Questionable on Economics 101?

Forex Blog posts about how Bill Miller of Legg Mason did not see the deficit as a big deal, citing the Financial Times, which states:

But Mr Miller argues that the stock of US assets, currently about $50,000bn, is growing at about 5 per cent, or $2,500bn a year, in nominal terms, broadly in line with GDP. If the US needs to borrow $600bn a year to facilitate that, ďthat certainly sounds sustainable to meĒ, he said.
That quote shows ignorance to the social illness caused by the whole paying for the consolidation and growth of wealth for a few. Eventually that breeds political corruption & other social diseases.

In other, unrelated related news, Tom Delay was indited on campaign finance charges:

DeLay was indicted for one count of criminal conspiracy for some unethical, and possibly illegal, campaign activities. If this indictment sets the bar for what constitutes criminal conspiracy, it's time we take a good, long look at the actions of the current administration.

We could start by looking at the recount in Florida. In 2000, five Republican appointees on the Supreme Court conspired to end the recount and effectively put George W. Bush in office. Was their conspiracy criminal? Probably not. Was it motivated by partisan politics, and was their decision handed down on shaky legal grounds? Yes.

After Bush made it into the Oval Office, though, the conspiracies could really get started. Take, for example, the prelude to the war in Iraq. The Bush administration put forth a concerted effort to convince the American people and the world that Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons and ties to al-Qaeda. George Bush told the American people that "a dictator is building and hiding weapons that could enable him to dominate the Middle East and intimidate the civilized world." Colin Powell presented "airtight" evidence for the U.N. General Assembly. Dissenters -- experts within the government who disagreed with the administration's conclusions -- were silenced. Only after we had fought a costly war did the Downing Street Memo emerge as an indictment of the Bush Administration for misleading the American public. A conspiracy to get us into war? Certainly. Criminal? Two thousand American dead, uncounted Iraqi dead, and $200 billion sure makes Tom DeLay's $190,000 check seem like chump change.


Would love to see papers intertwine these types of stories a bit more often.

How ironic / fucked up / Orwellian is it that the "small government" party can create mounds and mounds of national debt while saying the social programs supported by the other side will make the country poor?

September 28, 2005

Religion Linked to Dysfunctional Societies

Times Online has part of the reason I remain not religious:

RELIGIOUS belief can cause damage to a society, contributing towards high murder rates, abortion, sexual promiscuity and suicide, according to research published today.

hat tip for link

It is not that I think there is anything wrong with religion, just that I think the hucksters and scammers use religion to lead the sheep so that they may exploit them for personal gain.

Put another way, if you were God would you require people to acnowledge your existance to grant them eternal peace? If I were God I would weigh the good and the bad, and if there is any sort of afterlife I would determine the outcome based on the sum of the pieces. Good people should still generally be good people even if they do not have some overbeing controlling them through fear.

Why the fuck are more religious societies so damaged when compared to less religious ones? Is it that people in need are more likely to ask for it so they are more religious? If that is the case they why don't they get what they need?

The answer is IMHO, at least in part, that scumbags use religion to exploit the country and leave people with shells of their former selves looking elsewhere for mystical answers when nonmystical answers lie within.

September 27, 2005

Right Place Right Time

From DS:

Aaron Wall over at SEO Book notes today that there's not a lot of focus on SEO in the book, and that's true. The history of search marketing and the search marketing industry essentially revolves around the Florida update of 2003 (named not as the book says for the hurricanes to hit Florida that year but for the WebmasterWorld conference planned to hit the state a few months later) and how many webmasters woke up to the fact they couldn't expect a free ride on Google.

Google Update Florida is when I first started getting well known. Pure luck in the timing, but I won't complain!

Old Amazon Reviews...

Am impressed with how shitty some of my reviews were, like Mariokart:

Few things in my life are important to me. Mario Kart is one of those things. I have yet to find another who could honestly compete with me in this game.

While it may be an indication that I am pathetic or misguided, Mario Kart is a great source of pride for me.


How dumb sounding is THAT?

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Old Amazon Reviews...

Am impressed with how shitty some of my reviews were, like Mariokart:

Few things in my life are important to me. Mario Kart is one of those things. I have yet to find another who could honestly compete with me in this game.

While it may be an indication that I am pathetic or misguided, Mario Kart is a great source of pride for me.


How dumb sounding is THAT?

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Right Place Right Time

From DS:

Aaron Wall over at SEO Book notes today that there's not a lot of focus on SEO in the book, and that's true. The history of search marketing and the search marketing industry essentially revolves around the Florida update of 2003 (named not as the book says for the hurricanes to hit Florida that year but for the WebmasterWorld conference planned to hit the state a few months later) and how many webmasters woke up to the fact they couldn't expect a free ride on Google.

Google Update Florida is when I first started getting well known. Pure luck in the timing, but I won't complain!

Old Amazon Reviews...

Am impressed with how shitty some of my reviews were, like Mariokart:

Few things in my life are important to me. Mario Kart is one of those things. I have yet to find another who could honestly compete with me in this game.

While it may be an indication that I am pathetic or misguided, Mario Kart is a great source of pride for me.


How dumb sounding is THAT?

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Right Place Right Time

From DS:

Aaron Wall over at SEO Book notes today that there's not a lot of focus on SEO in the book, and that's true. The history of search marketing and the search marketing industry essentially revolves around the Florida update of 2003 (named not as the book says for the hurricanes to hit Florida that year but for the WebmasterWorld conference planned to hit the state a few months later) and how many webmasters woke up to the fact they couldn't expect a free ride on Google.

Google Update Florida is when I first started getting well known. Pure luck in the timing, but I won't complain!

Old Amazon Reviews...

Am impressed with how shitty some of my reviews were, like Mariokart:

Few things in my life are important to me. Mario Kart is one of those things. I have yet to find another who could honestly compete with me in this game.

While it may be an indication that I am pathetic or misguided, Mario Kart is a great source of pride for me.


How dumb sounding is THAT?

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Old Amazon Reviews...

Am impressed with how shitty some of my reviews were, like Mariokart:

Few things in my life are important to me. Mario Kart is one of those things. I have yet to find another who could honestly compete with me in this game.

While it may be an indication that I am pathetic or misguided, Mario Kart is a great source of pride for me.


How dumb sounding is THAT?

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

Weekend Highlight

I went to the Austin City Limits Festival, warning: but I am a nerd. ;)

Franz Ferdinand is awesome, but I got smoked by the sun so bad the first day that I tried to only listen to music at nighttime for the last two days. That caused me to miss out on a bunch of the music that I wanted to see. Coldplay kept mentioning The Arcade Fire, which makes me pissed that I missed them twice now...once at Coachella and once at ACL.

I also wanted to see Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, Ambulence Ltd, Kasabian, & Rilo Kiley.

The first day was solid music though. I got to see Spoon, Lucinda Williams, The Allman Brothers, The Black Crows, Gov't Mule, and Blues Traveler. I got to see Oasis & Coldplay again. My favorite new (to me) song from the festival is Homesick by Mofro.

I should have looked ahead, I had no idea it was going to be 103 degrees in the shade.

To minimize sunburn I ended up buying a random baseball cap in a second hand clothing store. I had my heart set on a large sombrero, but they did not have any. :(

Here is what makes me an uber nerd...on my way back from the concert the first day I saw Galactica in a laundry washing building across the street.

I managed to hold off for the first two days, but the third day I popped in a quarter. I scored 207,000 points, which is over double my old record. I was within 6,000 points of the machine record on the first quarter. Normally second place makes me mad, but the game was fun and was a great cap to my weekend.

September 25, 2005

Punched in the Face

a spoiled child
a spoild adult
no change
no surprise

no idea
of the frustrations
following larger footsteps
looking to make your own

needing to be right
50% of the time
and you punch me in the face
accidents accidents

Wonderwall

Oh the irony...so in high school I did not listen to much music for a few years. The only radio I listened to most of the time was a political talk show from like midnight to 4 am.

Oasis got somewhat popular back then and had a song called Wonderwall. Another dumb nickname I picked up, and I denied that it was even really a song for months until I finally heard it.

Recently I was in the UK and one of my best friends wife said Oasis is the #1 UK band, etc etc etc.

Tonight Oasis was at Austin City Limits and I went to hear them play. They played Wonderwall dedicating the song to all the ugly girls in the crowd. They really could not be any more arrogent, but I like their songs.

They also played Champaign Supernova, which was their other song that became rather well known over here.

I like two more of their songs a bunch. What's the Story Morning Glory and So Sally Can Wait. In spite of only playing for about an hour and having around a half dozen albums they also got those two songs in. So Sally Can Wait was dedicated to the fat ugly girl who looks like an Owl. Everyone started looking around and then the singer just said "I was just fucking with all the crazy people, like the dude waiving the Scotland flag. What the fuck is that?"

They also closed out with a cover of My Generation, but I think the drums were a bit too loud or for some reason the guitar did not come out as solid as the original - although that would be hard to do.

The arrogance of the lead singer also greatly showed when near the end of singing a line in Champaign Supernova he pulled away from the mic to give the drummer a nasty look.

I guess what is ironic is that I never thought I would hear the song Wonderwall or that it was even a song...and then eventually I ended up hearing it live when most the people giving me shit and that nickname probably still never have.

Food Per Dollar

When I was young I somehow picked up the idea that you want to get as much for your money as you can.

The as much as you can was not usually defined in terms of quality since quantity is far easier to visualize and explain. I would say up until about the age of 25 I thought volume per dollar when I looked at food. And I generally got away with it. I used to work out so much that I was in way better shape than most people in spite of eating pure shit.

Eventually though I will die of diabetes if I do not change those eating habbits, or that philosophy.

I should realize price is a bit arbitrary and more value per money should mean healthier and better. Not faster or more.

September 24, 2005

Another High Ranked Government Official Resigns Under Bush

FDA Commissioner Lester M. Crawford resigned unexpectedly Friday

geez, how many high level government employees have resigned in the last 6 years? If everyone you appoint around you is all fucked up and deserves to be fired (or more politically correct, chooses to resign) shouldn't you as a leader feel at least a bit guilty for having no gumption picking the people and / or for generally being incompatible and / or dishonest with society?

Sometimes the resignations are due to age or similar, but there have been more than enough resignations to call it a flat out suspicious pattern. Quiting after only a two month tenure as FDA Commissioner sure sounds suspicious.

Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee and a fierce FDA critic, said the agency had grown too close to the drug industry during Crawford's tenure.

"In recent years, the FDA has demonstrated a too-cozy relationship with the pharmaceutical industry and an attitude of shielding rather than disclosing information," Grassley said Friday. "... Now is the time to reform the FDA's culture and reassert that the agency's top priority is what's good for John Q. Public."


So instead of actually solving the problems with the system or helping society out with it's needs we just recycle government agency workers. Makes sense.

Brownie, you are doing a heckova job.

When As Pictured is Less

So normally when you order food from a fast food chain no matter what the menu looks like the actual food you get looks worse. That is just the way it is.

Recently I got a milk shake as pictured and felt cheated. Why? Normally Denny's gives you the milkshake in a cup and a spare metal container with more milkshake. I think the waiters correctly associate more milkshake with a bigger tip. Thus when a person gives you what is pictured you feel cheated...even though it was just you get getting extra for free in the past.

Here I use the word you as in me :)

Impatient Consumer

So recently I noticed myeslf pissed off on multiple occassions for having to wait on people for about 10 minutes. And once was for something I was 10 minutes late for.

How shitty is that?


It has to be

So I am at a cool concert in Austin Texas. Blues Traveler played last night, and speaking of the then upcoming hurricane Rita, said that hurricanes bring out the worst and the best in people. I think I spend a bit too much time trying to define others and ideas of others and not enough time trying to define myself.

I still screw up a lot of stuff, and yet I do not focus lots of effort on improving those areas because at the same time I have this self fulfilling prophecy that my faults also bring out my best pieces...at different times in different ways.

Things don't have to be good or bad...they can just be. The key to work on is appreciating that to avoid the need or desire to have far departures from the norm.

Not sure my point, but there you have it ;)

September 21, 2005

Witnessing a Hit and Run

Van smokes a bicycle at about 40 miles an hour. Does not stop. Blows the red light and keeps on going.

Do you mention that you saw it? Do you say nothing. Bicycler is OK other than being in shock and pissed as it looked like the van only smoked his front tire (he picked his bike up and threw it across the street).

Van was going really fast and would have been hard to catch up with.

What is the right thing to do? Do you speed up and catch up with the van (which might require dangerous driving)? Do you do nothing?

When HTTP is a Bad Word

So there are some fucking scumbag blogspammers that went so far as to register domains like drive.to and go.to etc etc etc.

To block those domains I would have to block those phrases (and some of the phrases are rather common), so I said fuck it, http is now a bad word. Anyone who tries to post full URLs to this site will be SOL, and their post will not go through.

I removed the URL input box, which makes it hard for a human to input a URL. Best of luck spambots. I also am aware that if they are willing to change the letters to an html coding equivalent of the letters HTTP there are 255 additional ways to write http. If those start to get exploited I will fix that too, but no more blogspam on this blog for me.

I could have upgraded to a newer version of the blog software to stop the spam, but it seems morally reprehensible for me to spend another $300 upgrading software from people who sold me software with holes in it, when the only upgrade I would be really needing was for them to fix the original holes in the software.

September 20, 2005

Helpful Feedback

So I get a good amount of hate mail or people who expect me to build their business model without them giving me one cent, but it is always cool to hear when things go well, like...

I wanted to thank you for your site and tips.

If it hadn't been for your advice and example it probably would have taken a much longer time for me to get "it".

I don't claim to be a SEO expert or anything but you have been very helpful at making more successful in my endeavors.

Particularly the new tool I wrote would never have been shared if you hadn't recommended doing it. I just never got the social aspect of the web and how sharing your good ideas can help you succeed.

Thanks for saving me a lot of time learning the hard way.

Buying Spin...Why Are They Spinning

So the left side of the isle has been spinning the whole New Orleans was a total fuckup issue. I have been just as guilty as anyone at doing that as well, and feel a bit disappointed in myself for being a sucker and eating up the spin. Sure pieces of it were fucked, but some of the response was pretty quick for how big of a problem that hurricane caused.

For a great deal of time some on the right side failed to comment, and then out of nowhere the president said "I take responsibility". What does it mean for him to say I take responsibility? Well I don't see him or Brownie or anyone going to jail over fucking up, so it is not the type of responsibility they expect 1 in 138 Americans to face...the kind that requires them to be behind bars right now. No, it is something entirely different.

By saying the system is at fault, and not placing blame on any individual, it means that they can say that the system is broke and needs these xyz fixes. What is required to make those fixes?

Government contracts & carpetbagging.
Consolidation of wealth.
Leeching of rights.
Exploiting the common american & those who are down.
Fucking disgusting.

September 18, 2005

Automated Markets

So a person wanted me to call them to sell them ad space. When I called they told me they had no ad dollars to market their system, but that it is best of breed. Yawn.

They went on to tell me that the system is automated. I asked who placed the trades. Was it computer algorithms? Was it humans?

They told me they were not sure.

Sometimes I feel I do not have my ducks in a row, but how do you ask others to promote your business when you can't even explain how the area you are chosing to highlight works?

Why the Web is Cool

How often would you ever get communication from a stranger like this:

Arron: By chance, my last name is Wall, also. I have had problems with depression since 1988. Beginning in 2003, my problems became increasingly more problematic and my doctor put me on a high dosage of Prozac once again. I tried Effector and other meds all to no avail. He also had me on 3 mg of Xanax daily. Finally, I went to a Psychiatrist who told me I had "Prozac poop out", withdrew me and put me on Lamictal. She also diagnosed me with Bipolar I.

I do not totally agree with her diagnosis. I may have a rare, very rare episode of "mania" that would not last more than several hours. I cannot tell if this is just my natural nature of getting excited over things (good things) or what. I am a naturally fast talking Texan and that is one of the hallmarks of my personality which people seem to love. Nobody would ever guess me to be a person with depression. I wear the mask very well.

I have currently taken myself off of all med's. and left my home town of Palm Springs to come to La Jolla, spend four months here losing weight, reintering the world, walking/running on the beach, etc. The Xanax was a bitch to get past; I had been on it for years for panic/anxiety which I no longer seem to have. I am now on the other side of the Xanax withdrawal and somehow feel this medication contributed to the depression. I want to totally redefine the last one-third of my life and I am ready to start. My assumption is that my condition is chronic and I will have to deal with it. The irony of this mess is that the one thing I love is interaction with people. It is the anecdote to my problem yet my problem causes me to isolate. I cannot force myself out the front door. I am not unhappy, I am not happy, I am not sad, I am not despondent, etc. I just am NOT. However, I am tired of watching CNN, etc. for 8 hours a day, having no interest in reading, etc. I should be happy to look out of the window and see the beautiful Pacific Ocean of which I have an unobstructed view but rarely even notice it. This is just not normal. I should be down at the beach, etc. I am sober in AA since 1974 when I was 31 years old. NEVER in my history of depression have I ever considered drinking. This would definitely be a death sentence for me. I need to go back to AA meetings but find them of no real interest. This is just my shit and has nothing to do with the meetings. I know I am rambling but I have never written about myself before and this is like writing about some stranger who has inhabited my body. I would like to have Howard back; he's a pretty good guy to himself, his family and friends.

I am a well educated, 61 years old single white male. Depression has stripped me of almost everything that was part of a wonderful and successful life. I have never thought of self destruction (death) but always feel that there is a new life ahead. I gained over 30 pounds last year and now without the med's I have lost the weight, resumed exercising, etc. However, I have not been able to break the behavioral patterns I developed to cope with depression, ie., isolation, etc. Also without med's, the sexual dysfunction is still here. This sucks.

I do not know what you are looking for on your blog. I was actually looking for an interactive or message board for men in a similar situation. I am NOT a needy or self pitying person. I am a regular guy who loves life and loves people but happens to have this problem. I am certain that there is nothing unique about me. For the first time in the two months since I quit my med's I am having problems (depression not mania) again. I just roll with the punches and stay inside most of the time. This is the part I hate. I am ready to move on with my life but I cannot imagine going back on med's. They are all toxic to me. On med's, I cannot sleep for over three hours. Now, I sleep like a baby...albiet a baby with depression.

I'm not going to edit this or I will change my mind and not send it.

Your thoughts?

and then you do not mail them back for a while and they reply
Thanks for your reply; I don't recall exactly what I wrote you about given the time since writing. Depression, on any level is a a bitch. The good news is that you can fight back and have a large measure of success. My life took a dramatic turn for the better when I found the right psychiatric help. My Psychiatrist, Dr. Theresa Darling is a young, brilliant doctor, a graduate of Stanford (doesn't get much better) and my partner in battling this mental challenge.

I am including by word attachment a short story I wrote. It is easier to "talk" to my computer than to others at times. I am humbled by an offer to consider this for publication by Harvard. This rough draft you are receiving was a spur of the moment lark I wrote upon awakening one morning.

Since writing this, my life has taken an incredible turn for the better. I have lost all of the weight gained in the last serious bout and work, on a professional level has come out of the woodwork and I see a future does indeed exist.

I have been OFF of all med's for over 6 months and have developed my own coping skills. For me, the med's were worse than the illness. I had been on med's for too many years without success. If I learned one thing I want to impart to others is that depression medications should only be prescribed by a Psychiatrist not a general practitioner. My GP is also a good friend but I let him get out of his realm of expertise. I should have stopped this years ago.

The drinking: I had a serious drinking problem in my 20's and went into AA when I was 31 and have never had a drink since then: 31 years. I am a mystery to all of my medical professionals who always worried the depression would render me weak and I would return to drinking. I never considered it for a moment in the same way I never considered suicide. Neither were ever an option.

I have been self employed all of my life, have been sued countless times, have made and lost millions of dollars, etc. All of this is just life. Depression was the one challenge that I could not mount a successful plan of attack until I fully understood it, got off med's, got the right medical professional, etc.

I don't know if any of this helps but this other Mr. Wall is alive and well in California and has a great life, today. I am hopeful that you are conquering your demons as well.

September 16, 2005

Garbage Junk Mail...Website Listing Service Corp - ListingCorp.com

So there are ton of middlemen in the interent industry & business community who try to charge you a fee / tax for your ignorance, or service fee that is IMHO hard to justify.

I remember a long time ago I got a spam mail bill looking thing for $47.50 from www.listingcorp.com

I guess this company sends mail to people who register domains, offering domain submission to search engines (which is done naturally if you just get some quality links pointing at your site).

I find it funny that they sent this mail to me for a domain name about search marketing...it must be nearly 100% automated.

I don't see how they can justify the fee or what exactly the 8 keywords / phrases submission deal is. Seems like uncolicited marketing and probably worth staying away from in my opinion.

What makes it seem even sketchier is that a similar operation with similar page copy (but a different address) comes from Internet Listing Service - ILSCorp.net.

ILSCorp.net ILS Corp ...Garbage Junk Mail?

So there are ton of middlemen in the interent industry & business community who try to charge you a fee / tax for your ignorance, or service fee that is IMHO hard to justify.

I remember a long time ago I got a spam mail bill looking thing for $35 from www.ilscorp.net

I guess this company sends mail to people who register domains, offering domain submission to search engines (which is done naturally if you just get some quality links pointing at your site).

I find it funny that they sent this mail to me for a domain name about search marketing...it must be nearly 100% automated.

I don't see how they can justify the fee or what exactly the 8 keywords / phrases submission deal is. Seems like uncolicited marketing and probably worth staying away from in my opinion.

What makes it seem even sketchier is that a similar operation with similar page copy (but a different address) comes from Listing Corp - ListingCorp.com.

United States Trademark Protection Agency...Garbage Junk Mail?

So there are ton of middlemen in the interent industry & business community who try to charge you a fee / tax for your ignorance, or service fee that is IMHO hard to justify.

I remember a long time ago I got a spam mail bill looking thing for $395 from www.ustrademarkwatch.com

I guess this company sends mail to people who pay for a trademark, which costs around the same amount, but they charge that fee to monitor your trademark.

Does it really matter if people register similar trademarks? Probably not, especially if they operate in different trades or industry. If someone registers a similar trademark in your industry and they are activley marketing that company then odds are pretty strong that you are going to notice it without needing someone else to tell you about it.

I don't see how they try to justify charging $395 a year for this service.

Trademark Safeguard / Trademark Monitoring Service... Garbage Junk Mail?

So there are ton of middlemen in the interent industry & business community who try to charge you a fee / tax for your ignorance, or service fee that is IMHO hard to justify.

I remember a long time ago I got a spam mail bill looking thing for $375 from www.trademarksafeguard.com

I guess this company sends mail to people who pay for a trademark, which costs around the same amount...$375, but they charge that fee to monitor your trademark.

Does it really matter if people register similar trademarks? Probably not, especially if they operate in different trades or industry. If someone registers a similar trademark in your industry and they are activley marketing that company then odds are pretty strong that you are going to notice it without needing someone else to tell you about it.

The message I got also said that in addition to tracking similar trademark registrations it also looks for the .com .net .biz .org and .info domain name registrations, but I think that generally is irrelevant. I mean you can buy all of them for what $50 a year, and again, even if someone registers a similar URL that is probably not going to be illegal and expensive to prove guilt on anyhow.

I don't see how they try to justify charging $375 a year for this service.

September 15, 2005

Buy or Sell Goog...Who Should You Trust

today from TheStreet:

A New York Post report says Microsoft is looking to acquire AOL or become an equal partner with Time Warner. The impact of such a deal would be immense, and highly positive for Microsoft and Time Warner. Google remains a good company, but the stock would likely retrace in the face of this deal.

I think that means "sell"?

and then
today from TheStreet:

The pricing of Google's secondary offering at $295 is a $5 discount, and a $15 discount from where it was recently. If the shares go to accounts that won't flip it, they could reach $350 in one month, not three. Numbers are too low on Google, the most exciting story in the market.

I think that is a buy

so funny how the same company can give such different views on the same day.

Alchohol vs Illegal Drugs

Having done many different illegal drugs, I would say that I made most of my worst decisions were made while drunk. Why do people who drink heavily talk down about people who sometimes recreationally use other drugs as though their habbit is better?

September 14, 2005

Tech Stock Market is Hot Hot Hot

Bush Says I'll Take Responsibility

I'll take all the blame
aqua seafoam shame

Bush says he takes responsibility, but what the fuck does it mean to say that you take responsibility? does it mean you ended your vacation or went to the scene of the problem when it occured? no. It means you did nothing while people died and a city drowned by your sloppy push military and screw society politics. Is that really taking responsibility? How so?

In the past I used to be fairly liberal with the give people a chance stuff. I still am, but probably not as much as I once was. But if you send the free money the other way it is no better. I do not think it was appropriate to cut the levee budget for military spending.

Sure some people may be lazy and bleed the profits from society, but what makes it better / more correct if money goes to defense contractors and other people who depend on murder to profit instead of working to fix the broken pieces of our own society?

While sad, I think it is only fitting that some of the poor were shooting at rescue helicopters. Keep administrations like the current one in office and sooner or later people will know nothing but violence. If I were George W. Bush I would resign. Then I would feel that my "I'll take responsibility" words meant something.

Media Aims to Undermine Science?

It is my hypothesis that in their choice of stories, and the way they cover them, the media create a parody of science, for their own means.
Don't dumb me down

The situation will be even more interesting as we all learn to realize that we can chose a self reinforcing scientific media diet which reinforces our worldviews. The fact is typically it is more economically viable for media to be blatently biased than it is for it to tell the truth.

Truth is boring & usually not as remarkable as an embelishment we make up. Citations = $$$

Cutting Edge Media Company Creates War Channels

How fucked is it that Yahoo!, a cutting edge media company, is essentially creating a war channel to track whatever conflicts are occuring around the globe.
http://hotzone.yahoo.com/

By tracking the conflicts, and offering them syndication, it will likely help aid funding for more weapons and more killing.

September 13, 2005

US Desires to Use Preemptive Nuclear Weapons?

Pentagon Revises Nuclear Strike Plan

The Pentagon has drafted a revised doctrine for the use of nuclear weapons that envisions commanders requesting presidential approval to use them to preempt an attack by a nation or a terrorist group using weapons of mass destruction. The draft also includes the option of using nuclear arms to destroy known enemy stockpiles of nuclear, biological or chemical weapons.

The document, written by the Pentagon's Joint Chiefs staff but not yet finally approved by Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, would update rules and procedures governing use of nuclear weapons to reflect a preemption strategy first announced by the Bush White House in December 2002. The strategy was outlined in more detail at the time in classified national security directives.

Questions about the state of the nation's preparedness were discussed at a conference entitled Examining Lessons from 9/11 and Katrina
Questions about the state of the nation's preparedness were discussed at a conference entitled "Terrorism, Security, and America's Purpose," a national policy forum in Washington, D.C. on Sept. 6 and 7. Among the speakers were Senator Joseph Biden (D-Del.), Academic and Author Francis Fukuyama, and Juan Zarate, the Deputy National Security Advisor for Combating Terrorism. Washington Post Reporter Walter Pincus also caught up with former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

...

At a White House briefing that year, a spokesman said the United States would "respond with overwhelming force" to the use of weapons of mass destruction against the United States, its forces or allies, and said "all options" would be available to the president.


How sick is that shit? It takes us over a week to attempt to sort out our own, and we use that as an excuse to shift more attention to national defense, when it is clear our government does not give a shit about it's people.

With a 4 day advanced warning with Katrina I can't imagine that our leaders could have fucked that up any worse than they did. How can we trust the same people with preemptive use of nuclear weapons?

The next time something like an unknown explosion occurs (like the Tunguska event) does that mean we have the right to blow our world up? Just in case? Who the fuck is deciding that for us? Why?

Al Queda, US Government, & the Attention Economy

So the US generally does not take care of it's poor very well. In that same vein they take the resources that could fix those problems and waste it on an invisible boogie man. Then they tell the mainstream press their talking points and to market the hell out fo that boggie man.

If people feel they are neglected and without a voice some will crave attention. Those in Al Queda probably get all the attention they could ever want. Of course, the US government would not want the US populous to realize that large portions of Al Queda are probably created out of a self fulfilling prophecy, because that might undermine the defense budget.

Scotish Food vs Curry

So I went to a cool conference and we ate out many nights. The first night we had like 50 people at a Scotish restaurant. The second and third nights I ate with a few people at a few different spots. I thought the food was way better at the second and third spots. I am not sure if it was due to:

  • the fact that I know curry is amazing beautiful wonderful yummie etc
  • Scotish food has a bad rap for a reason (according to my roomie)
  • I like smaller groups because it encourages participation more...whereas in larger groups I tend to just kinda sit quiet

anywho all in all it was fun and I got to eat some curry :) :) :)

September 9, 2005

The Ugly State (of Being)

I hurt
help me
I can't breath
I need
I want
please be fair
I deserve
lets go
ugly
lets go
and yet again
everyone in here is ugly
ok, lets leave

September 6, 2005

Who's Fault but My Own

Who's fault but my own that my teeth
are sharp
even the ones that shouldn't be
and I cut my tounge when I drink
and yet I let myself over eat

Who's fault but my own that my shape
discourages me
Who's fault but my own when my shape
is usually due to my own activity
or inactivity
Am I the type who only has time to type? why?

Who's fault but my own that I step
to find my foot sinks too heavily into the ground
Who's fault but my own that I fell
and a broken stick snapped in my leg
Who's fault but my own that in nights unremembered
I lost clothes to New England swamps
On an icy winter night

Who's fault but my own that my shell
and my reflection
mearly reflect what is on my mind
Who's fault but my own that my mind
is still hung up on things that no longer matter

Who's fault but my own that I believe
in no causes
most everything that is evangelized
is founded in hypocricy
and because I say that
others must remind me
that someone loves me

Who's fault but my own that summer
has ended
and yet I am no better or happier than I was last winter

Who's fault but my own that I freed myself
from needing to work jobs I hate
only to become complacent
and stop learning

Who's fault but my own that daylight is breaking
and I have been lying awake
stagnent as the night passes
and I inch closer to death

Who's fault but my own that thousands
of people read most things I write
and give me feedback faster than I can ask for it
yet often know not what to do with it

Distractions have done their job
but it is time for me to do mine
and that means doing something
other than writing this line :)

Well At Least We Still Have National Security*

A few months back I was in New Orleans. On my flight out I sat on the plane next to a person who tested the quality of oil for refinery companies.

I am fairly left wing and he was fairly right wing. That was obvious from the word go, and it didn't matter what or where our worldviews were. I realized neither of us were going to change in that regard.

I questioned him about the motives for the war in Iraq, and threw the oil card out there. He of course denied that.

The guy on the plane said he did not think extracting oil was the biggest problem facing the US, but that he thought the number and shape of oil refineries in the US was the big problem.

Greedy corporations like to be efficient as well, so why not operate near full capacity to maximize shareholder value? From the Dallas Federal Reserve bank website:

Since early 2003, gasoline prices have risen about $1.20 per gallon, with 60 cents of that increase coming in the last three months (Chart 1). Distillate oil (heating oil/diesel fuel) has increased by nearly as much as gasoline in the past two years. Rising crude oil prices and U.S. refineries operating near full capacity account for the gains in prices for both commodities.

There was an extended period of lower profit in refining oil. In recent years the profit per barrel increased 6 fold from $5 to $30, and investers have taken note:

Over the last year, decidedly old-economy oil refining has proved more attractive for investors than internet search.

Shares in Valero (NYSE:VLO), the largest independent US refiner, are up 226 per cent, compared with Google's 186 per cent.

Interesting to note that, because the recent hurricane knocked out many of the refineries:

"Some refineries likely (will be) able to restart their operations within the next 1 to 2 weeks, while others will likely be down for a more extended period, possibly several months," the Energy Information Administration said.

The Energy Department's analytical arm said nine major oil refineries in Louisiana and Mississippi remained shut from the hurricane. Those refineries account for about 11 percent of total U.S. refining capacity.

"Unlike 2004's Hurricane Ivan, which affected oil production facilities and had a lasting impact on crude oil production in the Gulf of Mexico, it appears that Hurricane Katrina may have a more lasting impact on refinery production and the distribution system," the EIA said in its most recent update on the effects of the hurricane on the energy sector.

Refinery supply is not going to get better soon. Why? The perception of scarcity increases profit margins:

Despite all the gas-guzzling SUVs that Americans have bought in recent years, current petrol prices should eat into demand. Yet on the supply side there is unlikely to be a rush to build new refining capacity. After so many years of poor returns, the industry is not about to flood the market with an investment splurge.

Hmm. So 1,000,000 people are homeless and the country is entering a deep energy crisis. Surely this is a national tradgedy and nobody is to blame, or...

With New Orleans under water and much of the Gulf Coast in ruins, President Bush is promising to do all he can to help. But just 48 days ago, his administration was actively opposing attempts to shore up the coastline where Hurricane Katrina made landfall. from Salon

Interesting to also note that the Homeland Security Department bled dollars from emergency response:

"FEMA had to compete and had to help finance the creation of the Department of Homeland Security," Tolbert, who now works for PBS&J, a private contractor, said Thursday morning. "They were taking chunks of money out of the budget. We always referred to it as taxes."

Last summer, for instance, Tolbert said FEMA staged a "tabletop exercise" in Baton Rouge, La., to gauge how well it would respond if a Category 3 hurricane hit New Orleans. Officials learned a lot from the role-play, says Tolbert, and then returned to their offices to create a new plan to respond to an actual disaster in the region. "Unfortunately, we were not able to finish the plan," Tolbert said. The funding for it ran out.

Is the Homeland Security Department a joke? Newt thinks so:

"I think it puts into question all of the Homeland Security and Northern Command planning for the last four years, because if we can't respond faster than this to an event we saw coming across the Gulf for days, then why do we think we're prepared to respond to a nuclear or biological attack?" said former House Speaker Newt Gingrich

Generally, stuff works better if you treat people humanely and do not lead them through fear, but when tradgedy strikes not everyone suffers the same. Not everyone wants everyone to do well. All sorts of fundamentalists believe they are entitled to what they have and that those who are doing worse than they are deserve what they get.

There are maps of the damage in aggregate, but that does not show the whole picture. It does not show people swimming away from their flooeded houses in poisoned oil rich water, the dead acting as alligator MRE's, or the babies just waiting to die.

Is this a national security issue? Well it was, but now New Orleans is under water.

It appears that the money has been moved in the presidentís budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose thatís the price we pay. Nobody locally is happy that the levees canít be finished, and we are doing everything we can to make the case that this is a security issue for us.

-- Walter Maestri, emergency management chief for Jefferson Parish, Louisiana; New Orleans Times-Picayune, June 8, 2004.

I guess that still does not stop other Americans from turning away those in need and the military from needing to shoot people.

Should the Homeland Security department more properly be named citizen exploitation and war mongering department?

This president is not my president. Louisiana is not a city. Unfortunately, going forward, the same may be true for what was once New Orleans.

September 3, 2005

Artist Share - Online Music Store

Buy music online - they actually never asked for that link in any way, but they provide an interesting service, helping artists sell the creative process around the music to increase fan loyalty and profit margins. smart.

Yippie

I can now visit my sister again.

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