January 28, 2006

Heading Toward Another Dark Age?

Sleezeball politicians are trying to silence scientists. Something they did a good job of that led the world into the dark ages.

Here is yet another reason I don't believe in many things I am told to believe:

The top climate scientist at NASA says the Bush administration has tried to stop him from speaking out since he gave a lecture last month calling for prompt reductions in emissions of greenhouse gases linked to global warming.

The scientist, James E. Hansen, longtime director of the agency's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, said in an interview that officials at NASA headquarters had ordered the public affairs staff to review his coming lectures, papers, postings on the Goddard Web site and requests for interviews from journalists.

Dr. Hansen said he would ignore the restrictions. "They feel their job is to be this censor of information going out to the public," he said.

Pretty sad shit, really.

January 24, 2006

Stop Drug Ads

Well their site looks like crap, but the cause is worthwhile. Stop Drug Ads

January 22, 2006

January 21, 2006

My Own Prison

Always bad to title posts after the name of a Creed song, but I really have few cool points to lose, so I am sure it will not hurt me that much.

Did you know that the federal discretionary spending on military is greater than the discretionary spending on everything else combined?

And that the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 is being pushed through with another tax cut. The net effect is $30 billion dollars more deficit. No real cut there.

Here is the full text of another Bin Laden tape.

Many things that are sold as good act to confine and manipulate those which they help until at some point they must drastically alter course. I am both a bit scared and excited to see what the next few decades may bring, although I think it would probably be best for worldwide peace, humanity and prosperity if our country soon failed miserably and was forced to restructure. I am almost certain it will happen. I just wonder how the world will fair.

Will there be any dominate countries? Will the only superpowers become corporate entities? Or will those fail hard too?

You know stuff is going wrong when the patent office may infringe a patent to create a system that organizes patents.

Things I am Bad at...Singing and Purpose


I realize that training and equipment matter, but right now I am a really bad singer.

I have had DJs ask to use my logo (hehehe) and I have had bands ask to be able to use lyrics I write, but I am listening to myself sing right now, and it really is just no good at all on any level.

It is cool to listen to even though it may be no good. Just to hear that I was unafraid to try it even if I was the only one who heard it.

I tend to break down the things I do and build up that which others do. And my levelheadedness is not real level per say. I am not posting this to my other site because I do not want to feel like a huckster, but I just got this feedback:

THANK YOU and great job on your book.

I just finished your book and don't know if a darn thing you said in it will actually work. But I can tell you put your HEART AND SOUL into it and that is much appreciated.

I usually read technical books hoping to find one or two good ideas. I found SO MUCH INFORMATION in your book I was compelled to organize them in a spreadsheet. Great work and thanks for your efforts.

Feel free to publish my comments anywhere you wish.

There are a few things about that feedback that don't feel right. For example, I get used to that sort of feedback so it means less than it should. Like if you hear something often enough you may believe it is true, but at the same time as your exposure to an idea is increased the value of the experience seems to go down.

Hate to use examples that are bad, so I will try to use a good one. Lets say I don't exercise for 3 months. Then the time I go an exercise it feels amazing because I really light up receptors I have not used in a while...and thus appreciate the experience more. Whereas if you feel something often it becomes average or normal such that feeling it does not hit your receptors quite as strong.

And yet if you don't appreciate the day to day going ons of life does it matter if you have amazing experiences you can't forget once or twice a year? Is that really living?

As a direct marketer of sorts things become predictable and thus boring for me. Like the other part of that testimonial that doesn't feel good is that over the last year I have lost much of the passion which once drove me.

Yes I may be doing better, but now there is less drive and meaning. And it hurts to some extent knowing that the main reason I find meaning or purpose in life is when I am faced with something I don't agree with. It means that by natural or artificial means I have to bring some sort of conflict into my life to have goals. And well that is hollow feeling when you notice the pattern.

knowing that everything once living
will eventually die
makes me wonder what patterns
and thoughts
will live past my grave

will it be the grave injustices
or the broken things
in my life and mind
that led me toward things
I distaste

or will I find purpose
this collection of atoms
doing more than
floating in space
randomly disassociating
with that which
is expected
is tasteful
is right

other than change
is there a purpose
to life

and will I aim to change
things of which the result
I am ignorant to
things which I will never know
even after I die

the leaves have the most color
and show their true selves
right before they die

but if you never know
when it will come
or why
how do you prepare
and is it something
other than fair
to expect that the random
dis associations
that bring light to an interesting day
will only truly make sense
right before everything darkens

and if the only purpose
is to find one
how do I know
if my efforts are misspent
when days I walk astray
lead me back on a path

how do I come
to appreciate life
when I typically
that which is rare

I have friends which have knowledge that extend beyond this orb and the current set of text that believe in me enough to share with me things they do not tell their own children. I guess closing with that I should either be known as crazy or feel some sense of responsibility. Thing is I am not sure which.

January 20, 2006

Red Shifted

So I was driving home on the interestate yesterday and the sun was sorta overhead, but a bit ahead, and it was a bit to the left. There were a bunch of leaveless skinny trees in the center of the interstate, which meant that I kept going from being in sun on my eyes to being in shade. Back and forth.

I am certain it caused me to view everything in front of me as flashes of red. It may have also done blue, but the contrast of the blue sky and winter earthtone colors was not as noticable as the contrast with red.

January 16, 2006

What a Boring Post!

Ate a salad...and liked it.

The world turns.

Scary stuff.

Bolthouse Farms - yummy

I have not looked into if they do any shady corporate farming activities yet, but the Green Goodness from Bolthouse Farms is just plain yummy.

Who would of thought a drink with broccoli, garlic, artichoke, wheat grass, and spinach would taste good?

The Curse of the Weight Loss Blog

So I gave my mom my old weight loss blog. She bought a new scale and now is 5 pounds heavier than what the old scale showed.

I gave her the blog a little over a month or so ago...recently I started exercising. Last Monday (January 9th) I weighed 248 pounds. This Monday I am 242.

A friend of mine and I have a bet that the last one to 200 has to eat haggis. He is at 230 but I can lose weight quicker because I am crazier.

I probably won't do a lot of health / diet blogging because I feel that might end up being a curse for me. But I wanted to remember my starting date and weight.

Have went to the gym 5 days in a row. Have not done any anarobic exercise yet. Just aerobic stuff. I might go back again later tonight and do a bit of light weight stuff.

January 14, 2006

January 9, 2006

US Navy Defense Appropriations Discharge in Absentia

If you were in the U.S. Navy and are awol, or missing, or a deserter you may want to look into the Navy's Defense Appropriations Discharge in Absentia program. From the news blog:

If there is no other "impending offense" the "member" (a euphemism for deserter) is offered an administrative discharge by telephone and mail. The member doesn't even have to come back for out-processing.

"The member is contacted and we make them the offer for a non-punitive discharge. If they agree, we send them the paperwork. They have to waive their rights to an administrative discharge. If they agree and have not committed a serious offense, or there is no reason to believe there is any other offense, they are discharged," Higgins added.

The Scam of Market Security

So thinking about it I realize that most people who are wealthy are more wealthy than they deserve to be...ie: the game is rigged and most people above a certain threshold have more value than they created.

I am starting to create new content channels in a wide spectrum and feel weird knowing that in many cases I am absolutely creating no value with what I am doing. The shit I will be supporting will be people buying in on things that may not be worthwhile, but are sold as being pure and good by society in general.

Insurance: a necessity? Maybe. To some. But there is a company making money and paying employees. Obviously typically less is returned than brought in or the companies would cease to exist. But then what about the stock market? Generally, shady.

I guess at the end of the day people pay for happiness, they pay for the illusion of security, and they pay for dreams they will most likely never reach.

I have done really wasteful shit like hard drugs. I have also done really shameful shit like drive drunk. Right now I am still living a bit wrecklessly in that I am not taking care of my social physical or mental health, but typing feels good :)

I have put efforts into diversifying risk profiles and income streams, but I guess it doesn't really make me all that happy, and when I slightly modified some of the things I was doing on my site (say less negativity and writing at a lower level) my income prettymuch doubled.

There is a sucker in most every investment exchange and the best way to build value is to learn and share. Most things I have done that I thought were shortcuts really didn't save me much in the lines of time, energy, attention, or happiness. In fact most of them robbed those from me. I still think I am going to try my newest venture for no less than a few months just to so I am not stuck wondering what might have happened.

I really wish I could be more committed to some of the things I do, but it is hard knowingly polluting the world's information base after I am past self sustaining when there are people out there starving and having bombs dropped on them courtesy my tax dollars to the US government, which needs to keep defense stocks growing or it hurts the stupid fucking economy.

The things I have overspent on:

  • my bed
  • my chair - coming soon
  • isolation (unfortunate regret will come in the near future no doubt)
  • patterns and a fear of change
  • not being willing to change my ways or worldview to prove I am right...and unfortunatly I seem to have enough drive to pull it off

January 8, 2006

January 6, 2006

How to Feel Like a Horrible Person in 1 Step

Spend an hour teaching your mom how to do something that took you a minute to learn and then after she repeatedly says she can't do it say that "well spend some time hunting around you really need to figure it out" and then hear her hang up the phone while frustrated and crying.

It really makes me question the purpose of life when you try to help people you love and make them cry out of it.

I put myself in a shielded shelter where many people rely on me and I rely mostly on electrons and relationships that are built mostly on electrons...not actual real physical relationships, so when I make my own mom feel shitty I probably will end up feeling like shit for at least a week. Plus it's her birthday soon.

It also reminds me why I would be a shitty boss...I expect way too much of most people because in most every environment I have been in I do more than most people do. Sometimes I think I am more mechanical and algorithmic than human, and it gets to be really easy to just feel numb...which leads to random unpredictible fucked emotional outbursts where I fuck myself over beyond belief.

Really reinforces that does anything really matter? If so, why? thing I think about often.

January 5, 2006

Lenses Breed Interesting Friendships

So I was thinking that my life path has perhaps been a bit detatched from what most do...like being a nuclear reactor operator on a submarine is not a normal job...in fact out of the small sub crew only 5% or so ever do that job.

In spite of how bad I have screwed up some things I am amazed at all the cool people I have crossed paths with, and perhaps some of the weird substories around them. A few examples:

  • A friend of mine who could not get a job after getting out of the navy became my web programmer and one of my web designers. He is likely to eventually at least intern for Google. I bet he ends up working for them, and I may try to ping a few friends at Google to see if they can help my friend get a shot there.
  • From a random help wanted ad for $300 I ranked an adult sex toy shop. The site was later sold, and since then I have partnered up with the guy who owned it to do other projects.
  • A few years ago I bought drugs off a person at a concert and later they hired me to help market their website, which has to be one of the weirdest customer acquisition techniques yet.
  • Through environmental influence and heavy drug use I better understood depression and perhaps have learned to be a bit steadier (I hope).
  • Through most of childhood I was legally blind. But did not know it. That helped me appreciate seeing life through various lenses.
  • My roommate I met from the boat. He taught me a lot about culture, counter culture, and even to appreciate science a bit more.
  • I went to one of my friend's parent's house and spoke with them a bit over the new year. In 2004 he literally won the equivalent of the Nobel Prize for Astronomy.
  • As a kid my siblings screwed with me for liking the care bears. About 1.5 years ago a really uber cool girl gave me her good luck bear to sleep with and later I found good luck. She humped me. And it was cool. My mom still buys me care bears without maybe knowing that bit of the care bear story, but if she reads this she will now know.
  • My experiences made me heavily question authority. My nature made me want to rant about it. My nature made me write a book about making machines view people as important. Which led me to learn why people view ideas and people as important.
  • Learning that last bit helped me meet some of the best internet marketers in the world and allowed me to do well without ever needed to be an employer or employee for the rest of my life.

I tend to get bored rather easy while in groups of people, but I am not certain if that is a fault because the people I do get to know end up being really cool. Am I passing up on meeting many good cool people, or are my exotic off standish filters perhaps treating me better than I could have ever expected?

January 4, 2006


So I have no friends, but I do have a MySpace profile. :)


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