Things I am Bad at...Singing and Purpose

Singing...hehehe

I realize that training and equipment matter, but right now I am a really bad singer.

I have had DJs ask to use my logo (hehehe) and I have had bands ask to be able to use lyrics I write, but I am listening to myself sing right now, and it really is just no good at all on any level.

It is cool to listen to even though it may be no good. Just to hear that I was unafraid to try it even if I was the only one who heard it.

I tend to break down the things I do and build up that which others do. And my levelheadedness is not real level per say. I am not posting this to my other site because I do not want to feel like a huckster, but I just got this feedback:

THANK YOU and great job on your book.

I just finished your book and don't know if a darn thing you said in it will actually work. But I can tell you put your HEART AND SOUL into it and that is much appreciated.

I usually read technical books hoping to find one or two good ideas. I found SO MUCH INFORMATION in your book I was compelled to organize them in a spreadsheet. Great work and thanks for your efforts.

Feel free to publish my comments anywhere you wish.

There are a few things about that feedback that don't feel right. For example, I get used to that sort of feedback so it means less than it should. Like if you hear something often enough you may believe it is true, but at the same time as your exposure to an idea is increased the value of the experience seems to go down.

Hate to use examples that are bad, so I will try to use a good one. Lets say I don't exercise for 3 months. Then the time I go an exercise it feels amazing because I really light up receptors I have not used in a while...and thus appreciate the experience more. Whereas if you feel something often it becomes average or normal such that feeling it does not hit your receptors quite as strong.

And yet if you don't appreciate the day to day going ons of life does it matter if you have amazing experiences you can't forget once or twice a year? Is that really living?

As a direct marketer of sorts things become predictable and thus boring for me. Like the other part of that testimonial that doesn't feel good is that over the last year I have lost much of the passion which once drove me.

Yes I may be doing better, but now there is less drive and meaning. And it hurts to some extent knowing that the main reason I find meaning or purpose in life is when I am faced with something I don't agree with. It means that by natural or artificial means I have to bring some sort of conflict into my life to have goals. And well that is hollow feeling when you notice the pattern.

knowing that everything once living
will eventually die
makes me wonder what patterns
and thoughts
will live past my grave

will it be the grave injustices
or the broken things
in my life and mind
that led me toward things
I distaste

or will I find purpose
this collection of atoms
doing more than
floating in space
randomly disassociating
with that which
is expected
is tasteful
is right

other than change
is there a purpose
to life

and will I aim to change
things of which the result
I am ignorant to
things which I will never know
even after I die

the leaves have the most color
and show their true selves
right before they die

but if you never know
when it will come
or why
how do you prepare
and is it something
other than fair
to expect that the random
dis associations
that bring light to an interesting day
will only truly make sense
right before everything darkens

and if the only purpose
is to find one
how do I know
if my efforts are misspent
when days I walk astray
lead me back on a path

how do I come
to appreciate life
when I typically
appreciate
that which is rare

I have friends which have knowledge that extend beyond this orb and the current set of text that believe in me enough to share with me things they do not tell their own children. I guess closing with that I should either be known as crazy or feel some sense of responsibility. Thing is I am not sure which.

Posted at January 21, 2006 2:58 AM