November 29, 2004

The Virtual Salesman

I do not think I am good at selling my own wares, but I do like learning and reading forums a bunch.

I just saw a dreaded bad question that was a bit loaded. The question is about someone I know and so my answer will likely help them. How do you put an intrinsic price on that sort of service when honesty is not something you can really sell?

As soon as you sell it then it has no value, but I am sure it is worth a decent amount to some people.

November 28, 2004

Things I Recently Learned...

While in Las Vegas...

  • Staying socially isolated and then going to Las Vegas for a big party is a setup for failure.
  • Other than losing my cell phone I did not screw myself over too bad.
  • There are tons of cool people behind all the random letters and numbers in the various SEO forums.
  • I met a ton of cool people.
  • A large part of my social ineptness stems from my desire to shield myself from social relationships.
  • While sober in an extremely crowded bar I have extreme social anxiety.
  • When I drop that shield I can meet lots of people.

While at My Brother's House

  • Its really 'ing hard for me to not be on the web.
  • Reality TV is shittier than I ever imagined.

While at In and Out

  • 4 by 4 is the way to go.
  • Some bastard just stole my rental car.

While in San Fransisco...

  • They have 0 emission buses.
  • Chinatown is big.
  • There are a ton of one way streets.
  • Many San Fransisco cabbies have no idea where the coolest place to go in San Fransisco is.
  • It is best to have no plans or expections and let stuff happen.
  • If you build something up in your mind the anticiption will likely exceed the experience.
  • Your congruent mood will usually determine the enjoyability of your environment more than your environment will determine your congruent mood. *submarines are an exception to the rule

While Flying Back...

  • Damn, I am tired.
  • Mom lives with grandma and this single early morning call will not only burn time to help keep me awake, but it also calls mom and grandma on Thanksgiving.
  • It is raining in Seatle.
  • It is cold in Detroit.
  • It is snowing in State College.

In State College...

  • I made it back and am still tired (even though I slept all day).
  • I can't find the key.
  • I need to buy a flashlight.
  • I can't find the key.
  • I am goign to stay at a hotel.
  • They have Saturday Night Live at the hotel. It is much better than reality TV.
  • The hotel is only about a 1.5 mile walk from home.
  • I can carry stuff on my right shoulder easier than on my left shoulder.
  • I can't find the key.
  • I am breaking in the door. Done...
  • Man it sure is easy to find the key after you break in the door.

While Riding Around Today...

  • The roommate is luck that car that was going 100 mph passed him right before he passed the cop.
  • I don't think deeply enough much of the time.

November 24, 2004

Evolution, Economics, Feedback, Cancer, & War

Wow we are stupid:
Almost half of Americans believe God created humans 10,000 years ago
Defying evolution is becoming part of the ciriculum at some schools.

We are about to go into the shitter. Enjoy your tax breaks. Wonder how many of the war mongers are donating some of their war profits to help fund peace?

The Strap on Vets for Truth are reminded to do the right thing: turn your backs on Bush.

With my long streak of social burnout and somewhat less than stellar social relationships I come to expect the worst most of the time. My mom still smokes, and if it ever catches up with her maybe I will learn to appreciate Mom's Cancer.

As it is.

November 15, 2004

68% Monthly Growth Rate

I have one client who was getting ripped off from various scum suckers. One after another...and then out of nowhere he called me up :)

For a while I was charging him the same rate the scum suckers were and using that to slowly build up his presence. Last month he started giving me $1,000 a month to play with and the same month he has already enjoyed a 68% increase in profits.

For those who do not understand the value of SEO / SEM, how about a monthly increase in profits of 68%. If I can keep that rate up for about 3 months in a row he will have a business which makes 5 times as much money as it was...and on a $3,000 investment (+ commissions from some of the profits - which otherwise would not have existed).

November 13, 2004

I Want to be Chased...

I Got Drunk!!!
Thurday I got kinda drunk...I think that was only the second time since London. I rarely drink. I rarely do anything except play on the web.

So when I went out first we went to a bar my friend really likes...and then we went to another club that is way too crowded...and then we went to a bar / club that was nowhere near as crowded. It was pretty fun, but I was pretty drunk. <-- bet mom likes to read that ;)

Crazy Drunk!!!
I am usually too energetic when I I dance around a bunch...and perhaps somewhat crazy like. Lots of people stare at me like I am crazy... but I am not quite crazy just least I lack proper documentation ;)

Lots of girls dance on me still, even when I am all fat and out of shape and stuff...thats weird. What is weird is that for

  • as much as I am so dancy
  • as much as I communicate on the web
  • as many people I talk to on the phone
  • even talking to reporters from a bunch of media outlets
  • and being on the radio

somehow I am growing increasingly antisocial in most all face to face type situations - drunk or sober.

Practice Makes Perfect!!!
Its probably an issue of practice. Since I do not meet too many people in person it seems different. I am out of my domain.

Dumb Fast Learner
Math being the only exception I could possibly think of to this idea, but I am rather naive at many things and almost anything I do I am worse than the average person off the start. I have a rapid learning curve though and after a short amount of time in many fields people can't believe I am the same person.

Part of that is the belief that I do not do anything good enough...that means that by default I think that I am doing aweful unless I am doing amazing. If I do something amazingly (by normal standards) I think its maybe ok.

Still Socially Stupid
After I came back from the bar I decided to call the girl that I liked a long time ago from Rhode Island. I was delightfully drunk (probably somewhat annoying for her to talk to, but she stayed on the phone)...

One of the things Erica told me is that she liked to be chased. Her actions in the past totally indicated that to be true, but I was never really aggressive. Right now she has a kid. I was not ready for a commitment like that...what would it have been like if I got her pregnant. When I was around her I felt somewhat alive, but for the most part I wanted to be dead for years of my life back then.

Perhaps it is my own mind that was crazily attracted to the chase concept. All the fun of the mating game without having sex or its potential downsides. Also spending time to connect with others on an emotional and physical level would be time consuming and force me to change my worldview a bit...not sure if I want to do least not yet.

Feedback Loop
Any current success I have is dependant upon the drive I have from my own missery and depression. Its really hard to let go of those concepts though, because right now in some weird way I can control them and if I let go then they may somehow come back without me controlling them.

Action Without Thought
Much of many of my days are automated...action without though. Kinda numbing. When I get pretty drunk I usually do not think of too much. Its really the same way as normal, except that drinking gives me an extra excuse to act stupid.

Later in the Night / the Next Day
After I come back from wherever I was I think a bunch. Even the next day or two after while my brain is slightly off I think a ton. That was part of the appeal in the past for drinking or using choice narcotics <-- bet mom likes that sentence

For a while I had a bit of a hang over...that is rare. I also felt somewhat depressed, but from a somewhat different perspective. That depression was other than a numbness it did not feel bad.

A Beautiful Mind
I realize that either naturally, though my experiences (natural and or artificial), my social relationships and whatnot that I usually have a somewhat low serotonin level (or a high ratio of dopamine to serotonin). That allows me to think differently than most people do.

Sometimes it seems like large parts of my actions drive me toward instability so that they can feed off themselves. Like a junkie driven toward the needle I keep myself isolated from people and social relationships.

I feel like I have got burned by most my social relationships, so fuck people, they suck...of course what purpose does life have without them?

So tonight I bought "A Beautiful Mind" and watched it for the first time tonight because I like movies about crazy psychological conditions. They showed a decent amount of the movie from the first person viewpoint to make the hallucinations seem more vivid and realistic.

It took me a long time to believe that the hallucinations were hallucinations. I wanted his story to be true because in the past others have tried hard to bend my version of reality so I could better fit theirs and I was not much of a fan of it. Letting them bend it nearly cost me sanity and my life.

True Story
I did not know that A Beautiful Mind was based on a true story. John Nash won the Nobel prize in 94 from his work in mathematics and game theory ... that same work drove him insane.

He "associated his madness with his living on an "ultralogical" plane, "breathing air too rare" for most mortals, and if being "cured" meant he could no longer do any original work at that level, then, Nash argued, a remission might not be worthwhile in the end." src

John Nash stated in a PBS interview

Somebody suggested that I was a prodigy. Another time it was suggested that I should be called "bug brains", because I had ideas, but they were sort of buggy or not perfectly sound. So that might have been an anticipation of mental problems. I mean, taking it at face value.

There wasn't any insanity though at the time. There were some non-conforming behaviors. I would do odd things one way or another. So there's the total pattern. To some extent, sanity is a form of conformity. And to some extent, people who are insane are non-conformists

Perhaps that movie will prevent me from eventually going insaine... :)

November 12, 2004

UNPOC Amsterdam Lyrics

I was born a thousand million miles away
in a forest they call Amsterdam am am
direct decendant of the kings and queens
though they won't say that I am am am am

and if they ever find me, they will know
and if they ever find me, they will know know know know
and if they ever find me, they will know
and if they ever find me, they will know know know

that I didn't tell them anything
they asked me to
but I pretend
that I was sick
or blind or dead
that I had nothing in my head
that I was just a normal man
who floats in space because he can
who doesn't know just where he's from
but knows these questions are all wrong

we were wrong
we're not alone
we were wrong
we're not alone
we were wrong
we're not alone

I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything
I didn't tell them anything

sitting in the room with the black of my face
I'm sitting in the room with the alien race
I'm sitting up here a million miles away
I'm sitting in the room with the black of my face
I'm sitting in the room with the alien race
I'm sitting up here a million miles away
I'm sitting alone a million miles away

I'm sitting up here a million miles away
I'm sitting up here a million miles away
I'm sitting up here a million miles away

official UNPOC site
listen here
buy UNPOC at Domino Records
buy UNPOC at Amazon UK

November 11, 2004

Blah Blah Blah...

The Puppeteer...
A new pupet will keep us safe, thought I predict violence will be on the rise...some wonder if this will be a good thing for peace, but it seems that areas of Isreal just look for excuses to kill and so the bloodshed will ensue.

Bush on Ashcroft
"I applaud his efforts to prevent crime, vigorously enforce our civil rights laws, crack down on corporate wrongdoing, protect the rights of victims and those with disabilities, reduce crimes committed with guns and stop human trafficking," Bush said in a written statement.

"Enforce the erosion of" you mean...

Sore Ankle and Kicked in the Knee
Yesterday I ran a good bit and screwed up my ankle...really sad how inactive and socially isolated I am at my young age. Will probably grow to be a bitter person...not so much old & bitter though, still hoping to die young.

Today I went and played basketball and I got kicked in the knee...hard. If I were a few years older or in a bit worse shape it probably would have broke my knees.

On Happiness...
Not really sure why, but right now I am kinda pissed at the world. Perhaps it is a natural reaction to the sad day that happened recently. Humanity worldwide went down the shitter because judgemental nutjobs want to outlaw being gay...and while they were there they voted.

On Thinking...
I used to be horrifically depressed. For years. Wanting to die and thinking of suicide almost daily. When you feel that way sometimes you can feel numb, but at least you think about stuff.

Although I am not stuck in any corporation I have no life outside of my job...and I am kinda unsure of exactly my job is. Right now much of my action is like a hampster or rat in that I do the same things over.

I feel that I rarely think new or interesting things ... and that I rarely think deeply. Also I am really tired right now ;)

November 8, 2004

US Dollar Sucking, Florida Election Fraud

Canadian Dollar to Pass US Dollar?
the conservative dollar...still falling flat on its face. luckily China does not care about our "benign neglect" of the dollar. oops, they do. look for a fat recession starting mid next year.

Election Fraud
if you had any doubts, read this or look at these charts.

10 by 10

November 7, 2004

November 6, 2004

November 3, 2004

bad at spelling?

I am...

Ohio 2004 Election GOP Lawsuits

Let the people run the country, don't let government and lawyers get in the way. Souds like the typical right wing B/S that they sell, but since urban areas have higher voter density and run later lets try to have courts shut down the voting.

Thats American.

I am seriously consider moving to another country as I have a feeling that the United States will soon become a 3rd world armpit. If the Democrats somehow win this election then the Republican spin machine just took a huge hit. If I still live in this country going forward I personally will pour at least $20,000 to $50,000 into each presidential election.

Currently Ohio has Bush ahead by about 100,000 votes, but if you project out the remaining votes it will come out to him leading by perhaps only a few thousands. The absentee ballots from that state will determine the election.


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The Virtual Salesman
Things I Recently Learned...
Evolution, Economics, Feedback, Cancer, & War
68% Monthly Growth Rate
I Want to be Chased...
UNPOC Amsterdam Lyrics
Blah Blah Blah...
US Dollar Sucking, Florida Election Fraud
Music and Your Brain
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