I listened to the song over and over
I have read the lyrics and it was not enough
I went to the concert
and danced as if there was no tommorrow
but there was

I have been to the worlds largest parties
flown over the largest oceans
and rode underneath them
hell I even free based just for the fuck of it

If you are really fucked up its REALLY hard to change. In the last year I have went from being suicidal depressed introvert to a person who has learned enough about the internet to:

make lifelong friends
watch a new friend open in a new york city play
help people create functional businesses out of ideas
being quoted by top internet experts in their chosen field
being told that my information was better than that provided by the American Marketing Association from people I do not even know
having hundreds subscribe to my personal newsletter
single handedly support my sisters sanity
brought enjoyment to faces of many at work
hired people who may have never got a chance
helped people stay off the street
quit working for anyone other than those I want to
have a famous artist want me to be his only lifelong marketer (Christeas)
have helped people recapture their sanity when they were lost and stuck on drugs and having them tell me I am a god send over and over again

I am in the richest country in the world...with the greatest freedoms? (USA)
I also have seen many of the best musicians in the world (red hot chili peppers, staind, stone temple pilots, seether, linkin park, static x, badfish, white stripes, tool, incubus, queens of the stone age, audio slave...and a bunch of others)
I have went to the office to chat with (probably) the best marketer in the world (Seth Godin)
the face of marketing on one of the worlds largest networks changed overnight, (Google Florida Update) and I was one of the first to write about it
one of my friends thanked me for dragging him out of his depression
less than a week ago I saw one of the worlds greatest humanitarians (where my best friend was able to get Noam's autograph)
in less than a week I will be going to see one of the worlds greatest live musicians (Dave Mathews) with a girl that I like more than all others (Erica L Hamilton)

and despite all the above I feel a failure. Sadness without explanation.
If you are really fucked up its REALLY hard to change.

I have never used heroin because that at least gives me something to look forward to. I have never been in love because that at least gives me something to look forward to. When the sun rises again perhaps I can pretend that I wish to face the day.

Sometimes expression justifies thought while simultaneously clearing it - perhaps as usual, I am full of shit! I think I already feel better...sorry for that my loyal 3 readers!