July 21, 2006

Why Do Moods Change Quickly? And do They Usually Have Reason?

You are what you tell yourself and you get what you want.

Not sure if it will always be that way, but for me all I have to do is tell myself to stop living pathetically when I am doing shitty at something and then willfully desire to change it...and then magically it changes :)

Like right now I still am socially inept a bit (or maybe a lot) but I have went out a few times recently and had fun. I probably drank a bit more than I should have ;) but even after drinking a bit I was turning down free drinks from the bartender, which shows that I don't have to be a jackass when I go out and drink, and that I can (at least sometimes) accept and know my limits.

I have been working out quite a bit recently. Mostly just shooting hoops and doing the elliptical machine. Yesterday I did tons of ab stuff. I was almost certain my abs (which used to be stupidly stupidly stupidly strong - in bootcamp I could do way more sit-ups than the guy in the division who became a SEAL) were sorta shot forever after a few years of being an office chair warrior. But when I did exercises I was able to do a near infinite set of sit ups on the lean back bench thingie.

The next day I am a bit sore, but not too bad really.

And I eat bunches of sea food - something I never would of thought I would do much.

And recently I have also replaced garbage oversugared yogurt drinks with carrot juice and tomato juice.

...and the post is finished on day 2...

Things I may still want to fix:

  • be awake during the day more (why am I making this post wide awake after midnight)
  • eat a bit more vegies
  • not push people away so much
  • For as good as I feel right now, I still think life is pretty pointless. The worst part about that is that as I become more successful I feel that life has less purpose (and generally have less faith in humanity). I am thinking about doing some traveling and soul searching away from the computer.

When I exercise a lot I feel life has purpose, but it seems that even after just one day of physical inactivity life quickly loses its purpose again. Which sorta shows that I am didn't know what I was talking about when I wrote most of this yesterday.

I think a cool project for someone more artistic than I would be to write pieces of things one day and then finish them at different points in time and see how much their worldview has changed since they started writing it, and then try to figure out the reasons for the mindshift.

.... 6 hours later ....

Am really happy again. And, of course, without reason :) Or maybe I told myself to be happy. Or maybe it was The Eraser.

Posted at July 21, 2006 5:03 AM

Feel like that now and again - going down the coast on my bike and seing some nice scenery and generally getting away from programming/internet, regenrates.

Woke up the other night for several hours and thought about changing what I do for a living. I thought about writing a fiction book sounded like a good idea. Pitty I suck at writing, but it may be fun.

Anyway, nice to read some human thoughts!!

Mindshifts are strange animals... my thoery is ideas, thoughts and experiences hide at the back of the mind and come though unconciously at times.. especialy when you dont give your mind a rest (not enough chilling time)!!

Take a break man and enjoy live.

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