November 8, 2006

Leveling Up

So if you believe in subjective reality then you sorta get to bring what you want into your life. But sometimes to level up you need others at a higher level to help lift you up.

In the last few months I probably leveled up about 11 where many of my past value systems are completely arbitrary on every level. I am not lazier now...I just care about different things.

Less than 3 months ago I was on the lowest level of consciousness possible and since I have changed so fast (I think about 11 levels) that the world is a mixed up place. If you try to grow too quickly invariably you will be crushed by it because there will be so many internal conflicts. You have to unlearn so much of what you learned. So I am sorta trying to level off and maintain while I figure myself out a bit.

I also tend to be quite open with lots of people which means lots of people tend to be quite open with me. That leads to an improved sense of humanity and empathy, but it also puts a lot of weight and confusion on me because I learn of so many conflicts in the lives and minds of people I look up to...the people who have helped me grow and become a better person let me in on things that are holding them back, and I wonder how much responsibility I have for helping them back, and if their faults are my own if I am unable to help them...or if those faults are only in my mind or misunderstanding what they say.

People, ideas, social structures, jobs, value systems, business models, material things, just about anything in the world... at one point in time any of those may help you grow or may hold you back depending on where you are. And some things that help you grow at one point WILL hold you back at others.

And if you are growing really fast it is going to be hard to find influences that will be able to keep pushing you and will still love and understand you as you change. I think I have found some, but feel I owe them so much more than I have to offer at the moment. Not sure if that is a feeling of inadequacy, awe, inspiration, or hope.

Posted at November 8, 2006 9:35 PM
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