So the other night I was in Chicago.

Since I was doing a bit of public speaking at an event that costs a few grand to go to I decided to dress up a bit. I wore a dress shirt that was about at thin as silk. A friend from Denmark was over with a coat on talking about how cold it is. I did not wear a coat and told myself I was not that cold...and I was not.

In many times in many places in many ways I lie to myself, and often enough I think I realize that I am doing it and I recognize the potential outcomes. Most of the time the short term outcome of the self lie is positive. Sometimes it blows up badly, but then I have to learn to avoid those situations. It is much harder to see the longterm trends with it though.

A few lies or thoughts I need to remember to always tell myself:

• it is not that cold in the winter
  
• music and water make me less hungry
  
• exercise makes me less hungry

I also tell myself that I have lower than average serotonin levels...which I think is almost a logical deduction based upon lots of reading, drugs I once liked, and the various life experiences I have had.

Sometimes I tell myself shitty lies. Those are the ones that blow up bad. Usually the blow up worst when combined with prolonged periods of isolation and / or alchohol.

While occassionally people will take time out of their days to treat me like a piece of shit many people also go out of their ways to be exceptionally kind to me. And sometimes I even have a few fans, which to me is obviously weird.

Between random acts of kindness from strangers, many friends, and family I believe that many of the bad (or destructive) lies are sorting themselves out...which is cool. Some things I still have to learn to let go of though.

How I believe my own lies allows stuff to go thermal runaway a bit much...really happy or really sad. Not so much in the middle. Not that it is necissarily bad, I just need to recognize limits and live at least some % of my life in a reality similar to some of those around me :)